Book Review by @Shepherdladies
There is primary and secondary love language.
Primary love language is the basic love language that everyone has.
Everyone needs to be loved. The way we respond to love differs based on each person’s way of understanding and feeling loved.
The Five love languages is a book that outlines five ways to express and experience love between romantic partners that Chapman calls “LOVE LANGUAGES.”
What makes you feel love, doesn’t make another person feel love.
The way you feel loved is totally different from the way your partner feels loved, which makes observation the key to understanding your partner.
To be able to satisfy your partner and still enjoy peace in your marriage, you have to observe your partner’s love language. You do not give love to the next person the way you want it to be reciprocated to you rather you give love the way the person understands it.
The love language as stipulated by Gary Chapman are:
Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION…
Being Expressive of one’s feeling about someone, which is expressed through… Love reassurance, Verbal compliments, Encouraging words, Kind words, Words of forgiveness, humble words etc Once you perceive that your spouse likes words of affirmation, you should always remind him or her how much you care and love him or her.
Words of affirmation helps with building of each other’s self esteem. Words of affirmation focuses on what you are saying, so use words of affirmation to communicate love to your spouse.
Having quality time with your partner is a powerful emotional communicator of love. It’s simply, sitting in the room, watching each other while you talk, with Television off.
You can take a walk together without the interruption of your phones.
A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings and desires.
Learn to listen and give advise only when it’s requested. You listen by maintaining eye contact when your spouse is speaking. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time. Listen for feelings, understanding how your spouse feels. Observer body language. Refuse to interrupt.
In listening, your objective is not to define yourself or set your spouse straight, your objective is to understand your spouse.
Quality time should be done with undivided attention, Quality Conversation, Quality activities.
Quality time with your partner is very important because it actually set the pace in communication. You give your spouse full and undivided attention and the people involved could use the quality time to spice up their relationship when it goes sour, do things you love to rekindle it
Quality time involves you spending time together doing activities that helps express your love towards one another.
Quality time involves doing things together and understanding each other deeply… It means going to occasions together, hanging out with each other and communicating even without words.
It makes your partner be an extension of yourself
Quality time entails… Togetherness, Quality conversation .
I don’t think there’s anyone who wouldn’t like gift. You must be thinking of someone to give them a gift and the gift is a symbol of that thought. The Gift of self is an intangible gift of its own….Being there when your spouse needs you is ‘Priceless’
Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts.
ACTS OF SERVICE…
What is Act of service?
I see this as, understanding your spouse to the point of doing things before your spouse asks.
Act of service can be expressed by doing things you partner likes and it should be done with positivity and with the happiness of your partner in mind.
You shouldn’t act like you are being forced to do it.
Physical touch include… Kissing, embracing, back rubs, holding hands, and sexual intimacy. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to your partner.
Chapman suggests three ways to discover your own primary love language:
1. What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.
2. What you most likely request of your spouse often
3. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse or partner? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.
IMPORTANT TIPS FROM THE BOOK
Almost never do two people fall in love on the same day, and almost never do they fall out of love on the same day. Chapman calls this “The disequilibrium of the ‘in-love’ experience.”
Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us.
Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it.
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and chaos of everyday life?
Communication is a major factor in any relationship… Open and sincere communication coupled with understanding your partner’s weakness will help
Be deliberate, consciously make efforts to make things right.. Don’t prolong and nag about issues, forgive and let go.. Also, constantly appreciate your partner, make it a habit.
Communication is very important, be open and honest with ur partner. Understand ur partner’s nonverbal cues.
Also identify ur partner’s primary love language and express your love through it, this will make your partner feel loved.
Lastly, find something you both love doing together and make out time for it.
… For me, I think that, while you and your partner were dating, there are sweet things that you both did to keep the relationship going, so you getting married should not stop you from doing those things, because those things are actually the foundation upon which your romantic relationship is built on.
Communication in marriage is an open and honest form of relating and interacting with your spouse in EVERYTHING.
You must first of all, love and appreciate yourself and overlook the flaws of your spouse.
Everyone has a weakness. Don’t dwell on it but dwell on their strengths. Encourage your spouse and applaud your spouse.
The world might be against Your spouse but he or she must know that with you around, it’s a place of rest for him or her.
You will be so shocked that the way to a man’s heart is respect and comfort not his stomach😀.
It will so help in keeping your relationship fresh despite the chaos.
Question you might ask: what if you have a spouse that likes to receive but don’t know how to give gifts???
And whenever you ask, he tells you of how he will pay rents and school fees???🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
Acc to the book, it doesn’t have to be something expensive…So you will help him by helping yourself, he doesn’t have to start anything expensive
… Understanding comes into play then, when you know that your spouse has a lot of responsibility on his or her shoulder; the best thing is not gift at that point in time, what you should focus on doing is making sure that you help your partner to solve whatsoever responsibility he or she has.
Having the knowledge of your spouse’s love language is important for his or her emotional sense of being loved.