Growing up I had learned that sex was a HUGE and a no-go area, and I would ruin my life if I ever even thought about doing it. I know my parents and church meant well, but to be honest, it just made me scared of sex.
Now that I am a mother of three boys, I get what my parents were trying to do. I know they had good intentions. As parents, it’s hard to understand how to properly address sex without revealing some holes in our own stories. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. But, we can’t let this keep us from having honest, age-appropriate conversations about sex.
So, what does the Bible have to say about sex? It is a BINDING covenant that is physical, emotional, and spiritual. (Genesis 2:24) Sex is designed for a HUSBAND AND WIFE within their marriage. (Genesis 1:27 and Hebrews 13:4) It is GOOD. (Genesis 1:31) Sex is meant for PROCREATION AND PLEASURE. (Genesis 1:28, Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Corinthians 7:3, and Song of Solomon 7:1-3 and 6)
Enjoying Sex in marriage is vital. Sex is a beautiful gift from the Lord that He designed especially for marriage. As Christians, we should have the BEST, most-fulfilling sex lives around because we are married sons and daughters of the One who designed it and His Word defines it. However, I know from experience that this is much easier said than done.
Here are some steps that can help
1. Talk openly with your spouse about your fears and insecurities when it comes to sex and why you think you feel this way.
2. Ask your husband about his, and listen intently.
3. Honestly talk about what you like and don’t like when it comes to making love, and ask your husband about his preferences as well.
4. Be sure to state your likes and dislikes, and be careful not to attack or criticize one another personally. It’s important to note that these conversations should not take place when you are in the midst of trying to make love. It’s best to discuss these issues when you are alone having lunch or hanging out.
These questions might make you feel a bit awkward at first, but your willingness to be honest and transparent about your feelings and perceptions will ultimately bring you closer together and give you both a greater understanding of where each of you is coming from. Honest, heartfelt conversation is the gateway to real intimacy and connection.
Most importantly, pray and ask God to renew your mind and strengthen your marriage, and He will.
How Couples can enjoy sex in marriage
Sex does not have to get boring in marriage. As the years go by and you get older, your intimate relationship should get better. Sex with your partner can become more satisfying because you know each other’s likes, dislikes, habits, and preferences.
We know that life can get in the way. Chores, kids, finances, and other issues can put a damper on sex. These everyday factors can interfere with both your desire for sex and finding the time to put in the effort. But don’t put sex last on the to-do list. There are ways to prioritize sex and keep it exciting. Below are different ways to keep things fun and exciting in the bedroom.
Good Communication Communication is the key to a healthy and active sex life in a marriage, so talk with one another Share your innermost thoughts and feelings with one another regularly. Sexual intimacy is a continuing process of discovery.
Share Desires and Expectations Talk openly and share your sexual desires. Be open and honest about what you want and how you want it and what makes you feel good. Talk with one another about your expectations concerning lovemaking. False or unmet expectations can hurt your marriage. If your expectations are not being met by your partner, communicate this tactfully and sensitively.
Make Plans When life becomes busy and schedules are hectic, plan for sex with one another… If you want to have good sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning. Let your partner know you care and are thinking about them throughout the day, set the mood in advance with notes, e-mails, texts, phone calls, hugs, or other flirtatious gestures.
Initiate More Often Don’t expect your spouse to be the only one in your marriage who is responsible for romance. You both need to take responsibility for having an intimate and successful relationship. Hold hands and show affection often.
Women particularly need to feel loved and connected in order to have the desire for sex. Make time for date nights and movie time and be open to try new things!
Recognize that abstinence now and then can be beneficial to your sex life… It builds anticipation and you start to lust after one another more.
It’s about quality before quantity. Remember that sex is not going to be perfect each time; don’t compare your sex life to the ones you see in movies or on television.
And lastly take good care of yourself. A healthy sex life intersects with your overall physical, emotional, and mental health.