There is a statement in Igbo land that goes like this: ajucha onye muru, ajoo onye lulu…interpretation: when a lady is seen the first question to ask is who gave birth to her, then the next will be who is she married to…
Every weekend, people get married to their heart throbs, be it in court, church or anywhere as far as there are people to witness their joining.
While some are willingly walking into marriage, others are grudgingly walking into marriage. There are factors that play major roles in mounting pressure on people concerning marriage…some of these factors also encourage lovebirds in making decisions about marriage…they are: age factor, money factor, fulfillment factor, survival factor, family poverty alleviation factor, my mates are married factor… whichever you are in at the moment bear in mind that it has to be your choice not the choice of others.
Written below are things to consider before you can “I DO”. They are questions that you need to pay close attention to, in order to understand what matters to you. These things also contribute to how you will experience success in life and romantic relationship.
It’s very easy to reject what you don’t know or what you don’t care about. So many factors contribute to disliking self… voice, body size, and outward appearance. Things to consider about yourself and your partner.
Self-perception, self-love, self-confidence, self believe…
How does he think? How does he perceive himself, you and others?
How much of himself do he love? How much of yourself do you love? Does he love you enough to cultivate you? Are you seeking for better ways to help each other and put smiles on each other’s face?
Is your partner confident about who you are? Are you confident about who your partner is? How often do you both talk about each other? Watch how your partner walks? Is it cool with you, is your partner cool with your way of walking?
What is his self believe like? Has he come in terms with who he is? Have you come in terms with who you are? Where is your partner heading to in life? Where are you heading to in life?
Does your partner’s voice sound harsh to you? Does the coarseness of his voice matter to you? Does his feminine voice embarrass you?
His outward appearance… Is his dress sense what you are comfortable with? Is he comfortable with yours? Does your partner’s body build matter to you?
Are you drawn to your partner’s intellect? Does your partner speak well (if it matters to you) is your partner teachable? Are you teachable?
“I need a partner that will love me the way I am”
Are you the kind of person you will love to live with for the rest of your existence? No one needs an arrogant partner, no one needs a liability, and no one enjoys indiscipline or laziness. Everyone needs a disciplined person, a caring, truthful person and a resourceful person. What skills have you learnt so as to support your gift, purpose and vision? How can you be of help to your partner? Where will your partner help you??
What can you compromise for the happiness of your partner? How much can your partner sacrifice for you?
This come to play when you both engage in looking more inwardly about yourselves. Get to know the inner beauty and qualities of your partner and yourself. Understand what it means to be you. Understand what it means to be with your partner. Understand what it means to succeed in your endeavors.
Who is your partner beyond outward appearance? What are his goals in life? What are his goals about family? How beautiful is your partner’s character, attitude towards his goals, towards his life’s journey, towards your goals, towards your life’s journey, towards others? What are your relationship goals?
How beautiful is your character towards you partner, your goals, your life’s journey, towards your partner’s goals, life’s journey and towards others?
Discovery and communication entails understanding… what is your partner’s definition of change? Understand the definition of love for both of you, discover your joint purpose, discover what you both want to achieve together.
Are you comfortable with each other’s friends? Do you enjoy each other’s company? Can you respect him not minding his personality, financial status or height? Can your partner love you not minding your financial status, personality or height? Does your partner smoke? What kind of drink does your partner enjoys…alcoholic or not?
Discover your partner’s definition of making wealth? What’s your own definition of making wealth? How wealthy do you both want to be in future? Discover his religion? Can you cope with his religion? Can he cope with your own religion? How does your partner treat the mum and sisters?
Most of the issues that still linger in relationships are as a result of lack of sincere communication. Communication enforces obedience, and influence. Communication entails understanding. To communicate is not just your ability to talk, it involves your ability to listen accurately, to be empathetic, diplomatic with your words, understanding people’s body language.
In general, the purpose of communication is to foster understanding. Have in mind that you cannot enjoy who you don’t understand. Your partner did not grow up with you in the same home, therefore there will be differences in how you both communicate, handle issues and relate with circumstances and everyone around you. You both are different, so no one should impose unnecessary expectations on each other until understanding plays its roles.
How does he communicate, is he emphatic about certain things, is he meticulous in nature, does he complain over every little thing. Does he believe in what you believe?
Having an understanding of your emotions and that of your partner
How much can you both endure together? How does he unwind? How does he handle crisis? How do you handle crisis? How does your partner cope with the day’s stress? What about the temper, is it something you both can work together in order to achieve your set goals? How does he express love to you? How do you perceive love? What’s your partner’s style of expressing love…introversion or extroversion? Can you both hold hands while walking on the road? Are you comfortable with it?
How will you take it if your partner pollute the air in your presence, either mistakenly or intentionally and how will your partner react to yours too?
Have you seen your partner angry before? How does your partner mange anger? How do you manage anger?
This is a guide to the things you have to consider before saying I DO, bear in mind that your choice of a man is as a result of what matters to you